Comments for Giselle's Weblog

Comment on How can troubled teenage girls drive non-profit branding? by Ellen Lupton

Ellen Lupton — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 11:00:03 +0000

Describing your interaction with the girls is an effective way to talk about your thesis project. I’d like to be able to picture the girls more in my mind. How old are they? How do they dress? What is their demeanor? Parts of your essay provide unnecessary detail, such as waiting a few days before reading their notes or the opening sentences about choosing to work with Good Shepherd Center. You could use that real estate to tell us more about the girls and their responses.

Comment on How can design help the Good Shepherd Center build a community? by Ellen Lupton

Ellen Lupton — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 07:22:37 +0000

This is potentially a very strong thesis project with tangible results and real audience. I would be interested to see the questions that you are developing. I assume that in addition asking questions of the girls who live at the facility, you will also be speaking at length with the people who run it. Please document this entire process carefully. The research you are doing is a key element of your thesis.

Comment on Voice: Active vs. Passive by Jennifer Cole Phillips

Jennifer Cole Phillips — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:47:25 +0000

Now that you have a terrific institution, really immerse yourself in the world of these young women. Tell real stories. Compare and contrast life before/life after, and so on. Young women in lock down is compelling: we want to know why/how/who…

Comment on Framing my thesis by Jennifer Cole Phillips

Jennifer Cole Phillips — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:09:59 +0000

Now that you’ve found a good fit to partner with it is critical that you imagine not only how to make them look better but how what you do can change the culture at the institution in a way that can be demonstrated.

Comment on Voice: Active vs. Passive by Ellen Lupton

Ellen Lupton — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 11:47:53 +0000

Your writing is for the most part clear and purposeful, but you are not competely understanding the distinction between active and passive voice. We will talk about it in class today.

Comment on A look back by Wayno

Wayno — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:51:48 +0000

Testing

Comment on Framing my thesis by Ellen Lupton

Ellen Lupton — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:36:35 +0000

You generally write in the active voice, which gives your writing vitality. Sentences like “I will investigate…” and “I plan to focus..” are active and direct.

You could make your writing sharper and more active by simplifying your sentence structures. For example, the clause “I have been able to identify some parameters that should help in defining my thesis” becomes more compact and direct in this form:

“I have identified some parameters that will help me define my thesis.”

Comment on Framing my thesis by Ellen Lupton

Ellen Lupton — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 10:07:31 +0000

The success of your project is going to rely in large part on the type of collaboration you are able to secure with a local organization. Finding that organization should be your top priority. Perhaps you should give yourself a reasonable time limit to do so. What will you do if you can’t find a partner who is willing to implement your ideas?